Thanks, Alexis! 

SO on Valentines Day, Alexis went to Jack’s 99 cent store on 32nd Street and bought me the greatest Valentines present I could ever have hoped for:

Yes, a “Tour Celebration Pack” of American Idol Pop-Tarts.

Now these bad boys have gotten some press, but there wasn’t much about how they taste. I mean, stars on the outside? Striped interior frosting-mush? “Wild Strawberry” must have something to do with Paula Abdul’s drug habits, and we’re going to find out what.

Even more urgent, though, is the question: What do American Idol Pop-Tarts MEAN? WHY do they exist? WHAT is God’s name are they made of? And WHO would eat such a thing?

Some basketball player on a box of Wheaties is one thing, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle gummy bears, sure, but American Idol? Are these ‘Tarts going to taste like Clay Aiken or something? Will we be critiqued on our eating style by cruel British homosexuals? The packaging is not all that revealing, although the website encourages us, the American Public, to dutifully “Snack like an Idol!” with these Patriotic Pop-Tarts, as, I imagine, Reuben Studdard does before his set at Mohegan Sun.

After the jump, a full report…

(more…)

There is a reason Pop-Tarts come two to a pack:

Peanut Butter Pop-Tart Sandwich

Prep time: <5 minutes

Ingredients:

• Jif Peanut Butter (creamy or chunky)
• One pack Pop-Tarts (preferably Raspberry)

Directions:

1. Unwrap Pop-Tarts and place frosting-side down on countertop. Discard foil packaging.
2. With a knife, spread the Peanut Butter evenly across the unfrosted face of the Pop-Tarts.
3. Place one Pop-Tart face down on the other Tart.
4. Enjoy.

(Note: for a reduced-fat version, try using reduced-fat Jif. Sissy.)